On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
