writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
