Buhtt sex?
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
