My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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