Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
