i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
