Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Randomize
