I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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