i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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