Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
