i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Randomize