I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
