After last night, I could never be a politician.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
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