Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
