Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
