You're my little dorito
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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