I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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