All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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