I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
we're so committed to being not committed
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
