I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
