I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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