i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
We have so much sex to catch up on
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
