as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Randomize