This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
