I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
you traded sex for a burrito?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
