Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
