She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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