just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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