It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
