What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
false alarm, still single
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
