I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
why is half of my head shaved?
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