In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
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