white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
