Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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