I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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