I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
