PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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