my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
