I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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