Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
