a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
