Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
