We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
This is classic penis vs brain.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
