Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize