Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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