You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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