just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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