2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
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