just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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