Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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