Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
