Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
