I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
