dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
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Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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