Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
