Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
