She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
