you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
