the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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