i don't plan on having that self control this summer
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
