hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
