I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
