apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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