I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
try to milk me bitch
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
