i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
My penis needs a shock collar
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
